lardypoison:

tiptoeing is so weird MY TOES CAN HOLD MY BODY wow

(via mexicandiarrhea)

harrygetbent:

i think i just farted out a small animal

(via gorilllas)

teennightclub:

all i really want is a cute bad boy who’s kind of an asshole but is really sweet to me and calls me babe and lets me wear his leather jacket and runs his hands through my hair and make out with me while leaning against his cool car and he gets in fights and his face is bleeding and i help him clean up and then we make out more and in public he puts his hand in my back pocket. i could go on for days

(via phytomastigophora)

I suck at texting unless

• I am in a relationship with you
• You are my mom
• I need something
• Me and you are close as fuck

(Source: ahtnamasyay, via kittenfartslol)

sherlocksmyth:

sherlocksmyth:

one time my religion teacher who has a monobrow asked me “what the hell did you do to your hair?” because i had a blonde streak through it and i said “what the hell did you do to your eyebrow” and he sent me outside

when i came back in he asked everyone what monotheism was and i said it meant a religion that worshiped one god because mono means one as in monobrow and he sent me out again

(via mexicandiarrhea)

luanlegacy:

ryannxp:

feathers-theangel:

musicbeatstherapy:

jelee-:

rockpapertheodore:

tinyspacebabe:

ok let’s stop using the term “butthurt” we’re not 12 anymore

you sound fannytroubled

a little bootybothered if you ask me

someone’s having a little tushytantrum

a bit asswounded

a tad bumbummed if you ask me

analinjury alert

(via mexicandiarrhea)